Upendo Ministries

I knew it was always a possibility for my illness to come back. I told myself that so many times before. But deep down, I didn’t really expect it to. I thought it was a season; one that had ended. Something I survived and could finally move on from.

I knew I’d never forget it, and I figured there might still be some pain… but nothing close to what last year was. I really thought that chapter was closed.

And yet somehow… here we are.

The other night felt like a flashback to 2024 all over again. The same kind of exhaustion, the same pain, and a fear that maybe I’m not as “better” as I thought I was. Honestly, it scared me.

I’m trying to trust again. Not just say that I trust God, but actually do it. Even when I don’t understand what He’s doing or where this is going. To trust that He still holds my future, even when I can’t see past tomorrow.

Most days aren’t to the extent that last year was, but sleep doesn’t come easily. Less than three hours most nights and my strength fades faster than I want to admit. It’s hard. And I don’t have the right words for it all.

I guess I just want prayer right now. That my heart would stay soft, and that somehow, I can still bring good wherever God has me. Even if it’s here, again.

I am praying for you all. That you will feel God, experience His faithfulness, and draw nearer through whatever struggles you are facing. God be with you, dear friend.

Much love and many prayers,
Vanessa